I am a mom. Therefore, I multitask. And I am good at it. Or at least I was.

In the beginning, it came naturally. I quickly figured out how to fix a warm bottle while holding a crying infant. Simple things like grabbing a diaper while making sure Big Guy didn’t roll off his changing tale. When Little Guy came along, my abilities quickly grew. I could open a car door while holding a baby and a toddler at the same time.

My knack for multitasking hit a high point when both kids were moving. Who else could break Big Guy’s fall while making sure Little Guy didn’t run into the street to chase a ball and simultaneously sign for a UPS delivery? I was some sort of superhero.

Really Big Guy watched me with a judging eye. He told me to focus on one thing at a time. He’d look at me, sigh, and say, “Stitch in time, a stitch in time.” He misinterpreted my multitasking as rushing.

I’d roll my eyes. You see, when you are a supreme multitasker, your confidence grows. You can move faster, without even thinking. I wasn’t rushing. I was hustling. I was a well-oiled machine. I had been “mommy programmed” and I rocked.

Then something happened. Big Guy and Little Guy went to school. My days were free. I could breathe a bit. This was a huge opportunity. I could tackle all the chores I had been neglecting during daylight hours because of the constant supervision the boys required. This was my chance to do it all.

I could clean the entire house. Baseboards and ceiling fans included. Organize the closets. Cook healthy, well-planned dinners. My mind multitasked at warp speed as I laid out my plan. I had five different to-do lists in my head and I was ready. With all the time in the world, I set out on my new path.

But something was different. I couldn’t help but notice as I branched out of the “kid only” zone, my superhero powers began to weaken.

Before, I multitasked with an objective. It was about Big Guy and Little Guy needing never ending guidance, nudges and supervision. Now I was scatterbrained. Unfocused. The hustling I was so proud of had turned into rushing for no reason. I was playing a game with myself, seeing how much I could accomplish. And the answer was not much.

I would leave a room to get the mop and end up changing the bed sheets, only to return to the unmopped room 30 minutes later - without the mop. I’d unload the groceries and end up grabbing the mail, which resulted in lots of unfrozen Egos. Sometimes, I would mix myself up just thinking about all the things I was going to do.

Quietly, I would hear Really Big Guy’s voice echoing, “Stitch in time." In the past, I ignored him. Now he was getting under my skin. Maybe he was right. I tried to slow down. But my preprogrammed, multitasking brain would kick in. And instead of being smooth, I was sloppy.

My saving grace was when the boys got home from school. I was forced to stop. They looked perplexed as they watched me race around, picking up the pieces from my minor mishaps. I managed to literally sweep things under the rug and switch back into mommy mode.

All that sweeping just made more mess. It was time to admit defeat. Start fresh. Although I reigned supreme as a “mother” multitasker, it was time to retire this other being that had taken over my days.

How could I have been so good at one kind of multitasking and so bad at another? And here in was my fatal flaw. I assumed all my juggling and hustling were of the same caliber. But my kids were not a to-do list. A “stitch in time” did not apply. With the boys, it wasn’t an intentional decision to do two or even three things at once. It was how it had to be. Big Guy and Little Guy required it.

I remember the first time I was left alone with my not yet 2-year-old Big Guy and a few days old Little Guy. My mom was only going to the grocery store. I sat frozen on the bedroom floor. A baby in my arms and a toddler next to me. What was I going to do if someone needed something? And then, my mom programming kicked in.

It was instinctual, not calculated. Purposeful and spontaneous, not planned. And most importantly, the payback was huge. It was unconditional and unwavering. It’s what has motivated me to get up every morning and do it all again.

Isn’t that what being a mom is all about?

Illyse appears every Thursday on TriangleMom2Mom.